So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
