It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
