Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
