lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
