just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
