did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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