I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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