dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just high enough for therapy.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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