I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
