so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
