Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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