You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
