I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
