I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
