I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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