I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Everything about him screamed your future.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
