Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Houston, we have a squirter
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
