twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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