for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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