dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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