Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
