I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i am craving dick and cupcakes
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
