TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
