Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
