I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
