Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
