i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
