the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
