I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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