i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
we're so committed to being not committed
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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