at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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