Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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