I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
