you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
