1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
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