Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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