So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
