Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
