So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Houston, we have a blender
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
