there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
