she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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