we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
