She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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