My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
