Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
