if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
