Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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