How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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