Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
