let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
